When I look at you

Dear Ashton -

When I look at you, I see your long, blonde, baby fine hair. It curls in at the ends. I see almond shaped eyes the most beautiful shade of green, and a dimple that resembles mine, only still hidden by your mountainess cheeks that lay perfectly atop your little, round face. I see your curiosity as you explore this big world around you, trying to figure out how to take things apart and put them back together again. I see an engineer in the making.

When I look at you, I hear your laugh, it comes from the bottom of your belly and fills up my whole heart. I hear you softly utter "I love you, too, mama," as you close your eyes and go to dream. When I look at you, I hear your two year old voice repeat words, and sentences even kids twice your age can't say. And I hear the short songs you sing to me, that don't really say anything at all but they say everything at the same time.

When I look at you, I see you play "fighting"with your brother, running toward him, lifting your leg, and shouting "hi-ya!" (Where did you learn that, by the way?) I always brace myself for the cry that will come afterward, but I'm usually pleasantly surprised to hear that deep, one of a kind laugh, come from so far down in your belly, right into my heart, once again. I hear you roaring your biggest "roooaarrs," and so sweetly asking "bubba, are you alright," when your brother has taken a fall.

When I look at you, I see you jumping up and down at the bottom of the stairs when daddy and I pick you up from daycare. I hear the excitement in your little voice as you shout "mommy, mommy, daddy, daddy!" When I look at you I see the love that you have for both of us, and we only hope that we are giving you all that love back, and more.

When I look at you, I dream. Of who you are, and who you will become. But I know one thing for sure. You will always be my special boy, and I hope to always be [one of] your special girl(s).

You see, I look at you a lot. When I'm with you, and when I'm not. It makes me happy, and it makes me sad, but mostly happy. Only sad because I crave your presence, and miss you when we're apart. So I look at pictures, on the computer and in my mind. And I think of how fulfilled I will be when we meet again. It heals me, When I look at You...